"How do I stop blaming my hubby for always wanting to go out several times a week/weekend? It sabotages my ability to stay on my plan."
Stop Blaming Your Husband!
You're a smart woman, give yourself more credit. You know he's not the problem...at least not for the reason you've listed. You know that blaming him just makes you feel worse about yourself for not being the kind woman you are, a pleaser to a fault, I'm guessing. What you really lack is feeling like you or your needs matter. You may feel as though your husband is being insensitive to your needs. Yet, how well have you communicated what your needs are to him? And I mean really CLEARLY communicated...in a way that he doesn't have that deer in headlights look or throws his hands up, rolls his eyes, turns and walks away.
This is the real problem. One that can be easily solved if you know how.
If you want a good laugh, watch the video below:
Instead of choosing to do what you've already done and know isn't working...
Learn to assert yourself. Let him know what you want and need. Tell him that you want to spend time with him. Tell him that you are grateful that you don’t have to cook and clean up tonight if that would have been something you would have done, had you stayed home. If it's his job to cook, clean or both, he may be choosing to avoid these chores when he asks to go out, OR he could be a generous man that wants to do something nice for you; to extend his duties as provider. Regardless of the “Whys” for going out, you both can choose to enjoy each other’s company. Tell him that it’s exciting and you want to turn it into a fun adventure or a mystery game for each other. Take turns surprising each other by alternating, between the two of you, who will choose the next restaurant. Choose places that have variations of you meal plan so you can maintain your goals.
To add more variety, make it a rule that you cannot go back to the same restaurant for 1, 2 or 3 months. By doing this, you turn an unwelcome night out into an exciting passionate playful interaction and into an opportunity to really connect. You can even act as though you’re dating again! You have the power to turn your husband's invites into something that serves you, that makes you feel as though your needs matter. If you look at this clearly from this perspective, isn't that the real problem...that you don’t feel like what YOU need is being recognized, or that you’re being respected and valued. Yes? No?
It may seem that I’m making light of your predicament, but I assure you I’m not. I understand your true frustration, which in all honesty you know that your frustration is really with yourself. It’s related to the fact that you have certain expectations or goals which aren't getting met.
For more information on any of these strategies or techniques, on what your needs are and why they aren't getting met, or to discuss these questions in more detail, please contact me. I would love to help you reach your goals and ultimately get what you want and need.
For the answer to your question: "How do I handle emotions caused by a stressful co-worker which follows up with unnecessary actions?"
Read the Q&A entry titled: Blaming Emotions On A Stressful Co-Worker
BSG Event Answers For Healthy Woman Members
by CJ Harlan
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