"Why weigh yourself??"
"How do you stop people from judging you??"
"How do I not feel guilty about doing what I need…"
Regarding your question on weighing yourself…
LADIES, THROW OUT YOUR SCALES!
A scale is like an unkind friend that is very critical and always ready and willing to point out every fault you have, they even lie to you and promote you to lie to yourself. This isn't healthy.
Scales in my experience only produce feelings of discomfort, anxiety, stress, disappointment, frustration, sadness and anger.
Okay, to be fair to those in the Scale Minority, occasionally excitement and success are felt, too.
The truth is, however, that most of us live in the Scale Majority!
Let's try another way of looking at this...You know how when you're in a dead end, unhealthy relationship with a partner or significant other and you finally decide you've had enough; you decide to end the relationship? Then, once you're apart you start thinking about how you need that person. Before you know it, you've talked yourself right back into that relationship. Yet, once you're back together, you realize that nothing has changed and you're right back in the same place as you were before. Well, eventually you'll be strong enough to say I'm no longer settling for this!
Your scale is that bad unhealthy relationship. You don't need your scale. You do not need to conform to the norm, or please anyone but yourself. You don't need to get back together with your scale because other people think that he/she is good for you.
Give yourself the credit you deserve. You know what is helping you reach your goals and you know what isn’t. If you do the right things and feel good about your process, then you'll know that your "inner scale" is registering your weight loss, in a way that is creating lasting change.
So, let’s look at this from many viewpoints…no matter what you call your abundance of pounds: being overweight, unfit, tone deficit, fat, obese,
skinny challenged, or delightfully curvy, whatever label you want to give this current state of being...you have to change the way you look at yourself.
What you really notice, if you're honest with yourself, is that you're making choices that aren't helping you to be the REAL YOU that you know you are inside and want to be more of, going forward.
You're uncomfortable: in your clothes; in the way that you feel when you do certain activities; in the limitations or restriction that you have assigned yourself; in your size; in your pain or in your lack of flexibility. Can you solve these problems by stepping up on a device that we've been influenced to believe is the measure of who you are? NO!
There are all kinds of ways to measure yourself and how you feel about anything. If you don't like the way your clothes fit, or you don't like the clothes you have to choose from due to your current weight, then the focus should be on…What do I need to do to feel better in my clothes and have more options?
Your focus should not be on whether that scale reads one pound less. Let’s face it Ladies, you can do everything by the book (honestly) and still gain a few pounds on that scale.
If you don't like the way you feel when you bend down to tie your shoes or the pain you feel when you start moving through your day…that should be the focus. Ask yourself: How do I get help for the pain? What can I do to get rid of the pain? How can I become more flexible? If you focus on these goals, then there is less stress about losing “X” number of pounds.
If you're focused on who you are, what you already have to offer, what you want to be more of and all the ways in which you can be and feel fulfilled, the weight will come off with whatever regimen you choose to follow. I do workshops on this very thing and I'm not going to say that just by reading this you have your “CURE ALL” it is a process like any other.
The key is to get honest and comfortable with yourself, really get to know who you are…and this is something very few people know how to do or even practice.
As for being judged, you cannot stop people from doing, saying or believing in anything that they want to do, say or believe, unless they want to change. The pain for doing something has to be far greater than the pain attached to not doing something in order for some people to be motivated to change. Another way of saying this is: the rewards attached to you getting what you want, have to outweigh (no pun intended) the rewards attached to you not taking action to go out and get what you want.
For example, if you get a lot of attention for being sad and depressed and you associate attention with being loved, and if you can’t seem to get this need met for love in other ways…Why would you stop being sad? You have to change your behavior and acknowledge that you can get attention for doing great things for you and for others and in turn be loved for the right reasons, not out of pity.
Another example which is common is if you've been abused and your role has been one of a victim, you may decide that you’re never going to be vulnerable again. Then, you choose to put up walls (including fat walls) that keep you from being able to have the kind of connection or intimacy that is necessary for you to have a deep meaningful open loving relationship. In order to change this part of your life, your desire to have security in being loved by another person in a positive healthy way (and loving another fully) has to be greater than your need to find security in distancing yourself from others.
Take pride in the fact that you don't have to be that inwardly unhappy judgmental person, like those who judge you. Instead, you get to wake up every day as you: a kind, genuine, loving, compassionate “YOU” that wants to make a difference and have great things happen in your life. You don't have to be a person who is so uncomfortable in their own pain and insecurities that you have to make others feel bad just so you can feel good.
Knowing that you can only control: you, your thoughts, your emotions, your actions and what your experiences mean...Doesn't it stand to reason that your focus should be on managing what you can control? Even if you feel like you have no control, you can change this perspective so you can rebuild your beliefs and faith in your goals...as you restore your feelings of hope.
As for feeling guilty, once again I invite you to read over the other answers in this Q&A series for Healthy Woman Members. Read my blog entry: Create Some Guilt Free Me-Time and see if what I have shared so far resonates with you.
Remember, guilt is a good emotion, if you listen for the message it's telling you. Your message may be to: stand up for yourself; to get more respect; to do things that will show you how significant and important you are; to set healthy boundaries; or to not compromise your values or what you know is right by your standards.
If you need help with any emotion, and how to make your emotions work for you instead of feeling like they work you over…then contact me and we can start making some significant changes in your life so you can spend your time feeling the way you want to feel.
Stop letting other unhappy people and their judgments affect you. Take back the control. Don't get tied down by your guilt, use it to set you free.
OH, AND....Throw Out Your Scale!
BSG Event Answers For Healthy Woman Members
by CJ Harlan
© copyright 2014