Taking time out for you, is...
A Mom's Guilt, one of many!
In an effort to show you how you can use this guilt to empower you, let's take a deeper look.
The first thing you can do is to read over the very first entry under the category of GUILT on this Q&A titled Create Some Guilt Free Me-Time, if you haven’t already. There’s a lot of comfort waiting for you in what I've mentioned in that answer.
In looking deeper at what you've shared with me, I see that there may be some stress regarding your work. The fact that you emphasized “all day long” at work reveals that you're either not happy at work, maybe you're feeling overwhelmed by all your responsibilities combined, or perhaps you're just feeling bad about the time and energy that work takes away from what you really want to be doing, like being with your children.
Try changing the way you look at your work for starters, if this applies of course. See your work as a stepping stone to reaching other goals you may have; a means for you to provide for your children even if you're living paycheck to paycheck (which may not be your case). See work as an opportunity for you to connect with others; a place where you're valued (hopefully you are); an outlet for adding a different type of variety to your life. If you're single, perhaps your work can be an opportunity for you to network with other like minded motivated individuals who may also be looking to build a healthy intimate relationship with an amazing woman!
If you don’t like your work or the people you work with, then you need to
“make it work” until you can get out and move on. The easiest way to pass time in a job you don't like, is to change the way you look at it while you create opportunities for yourself to move on to something you're more passionate about.
Now onto your real question, A Mom's Guilt...remember that guilt means that you have compromised something that is important to you. At some time, you have made a decision that something is right and that in some way your actions or thoughts were, or are, wrong.
Ask yourself: What are you really feeling guilty for?
As I read your question, it doesn't seem that you are taking time out for “YOU”. It looks like you're coming home and diving right into your children’s needs lovingly and willingly, no matter how tired you may feel. So, is it the idea that you “want” to take time out for yourself that is making you feel guilty? Or, is it when you finally do take time out for yourself that you experience this guilt?
There's no mention of a partner helping you out in your question. So, I don't know what kind of support you have to help you with the children. If you're a single mom and you have young children, often you can feel like you work just to pay for daycare. If this is your case then you can often start resenting your job for taking you away from your children and leaving you with very little money to show for all your efforts. If these are your realities, then once again focus on changing your perspective about your work and start getting motivated to change your work situation with some support.
If you have great allies, or at the very least trustworthy and dependable people that can help you from time to time, reach out and treat yourself to some “me-time” or time with your friends. Look at taking time for you as a gift to your children. If mommy gets her needs met then she will be an even better, more fulfilled, happy mommy...ready to take on that great next adventure with ease and an energized presence. If you don’t take time out for you, you may be depriving your children of getting the “best you” that they can have.
When you don't get your needs met you tend to be distracted with unfinished nagging tasks or by your thoughts and wishes to get what you want or need. These distractions keep you from being fully present with your children, at work or with someone else.
You seem like you're a great mom. Take time to look at all you are; see all your great qualities. Recognize all that you have accomplished. If you have a hard time with this, then reach out and I'll help you spell it out clearly.
If you do have a significant other, then the fact that you didn't even mention them says to me that you're not getting all the support you need and your relationship could need some TLC, too. Find a way to communicate your feelings, your wants and needs to them, so they can help you.
Often our partners are clueless to what we really need, until we tell them. Most of the time, we are even in the dark about it, too. This is another reason to get clarity. If you have a partner and they're not supportive of you or your needs; if they are not one that you can easily communicate with, then they’re not getting what they really need either. If they were, they would be more supportive, happier and more attentive to you. If this is something you can relate to, then know you're not alone. Very few people are taught how to take care of their own needs or how to communicate effectively. The great thing is…it’s never too late to learn! Just as it is never too late to learn how to use A Mom's Guilt, to empower you.
From what you've written, it sounds to me like you're lacking some security in your life. Perhaps you need to feel more important, beyond being Mom. Figure out what's really missing and then devise a plan to go after what you want more of in your life. If you do this, you will be more fulfilled, you will have more to give others and you will be an even better role model.
Your children are lucky to have you as their mom.
If you'd like to share more information or ask another question, please contact me so I can help you get more of what you want and need in you life, love and work.
BSG Event Answers For Healthy Woman Members
by CJ Harlan
© copyright 2014